Tell Me A Joke!

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Tell Me A Joke!

Postby Louise » Mon Aug 15, 2005 4:49 pm

Ok, my life's not exactly going to plan at the moment, I have a busted knee, glandular fever, and was recently made redundant and had to cancel a holiday to Lanzarote... In short, I'm depressed.

So, how bout telling me your favourite joke to try and cheer me up?

:cry:

Lou- "having a bad year" -ise

PS - Please don't post any horrendously offensive jokes that'll make Robb close this thread! Thank you!

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Postby ebl » Mon Aug 15, 2005 4:57 pm

Sorry to hear of your troubles.

Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks. Unable to figure out what kind of tracks they were, they decided to follow them to see where they would lead.

Then the train hit them.

Eric "Hope you're not blonde" L.
My Honda will run ringz around your Saturn.

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Postby Sir Clinksalot » Mon Aug 15, 2005 5:04 pm

Well, I know a fantastic joke about an octopus in a bar, but it has a kind of rude ending :(

Anyway, here's a clean joke for you!

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

And another......

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.

"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

"You're under 18," replies the barman.

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Postby Louise » Mon Aug 15, 2005 5:07 pm

Lol, liking both of those, keep em coming.

And no, I'm not blonde, although I used to be, but still enjoy blonde jokes!

Any jokes anyone has that are inappropriate for a PG-13 site, feel free to PM me with them, I'm not easily offended (except by prejudice), just like to follow the site rules is all.

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Postby Sir Clinksalot » Mon Aug 15, 2005 5:35 pm

I'm on a roll here!

How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
One, but you must slice him very thinly!

A blonde walked into a computer shop one day and asked the shop assistant for a curtain to fit her 15 inch computer monitor. The assistant said, "Why do you want a curtain for your computer screen?"
To which the blonde replies, "I've got Windows".

A mushroom walks into a bar. He sits next to a beautiful woman and tries to pick her up. He gives her a few cheap lines, and she replies "Get out of here, I don't want nothing to do with you!" Then the mushroom says, "What's the matter? I'm a fun-gi!"

What do you call a Fly without wings?
A walk.

Anyway, sorry about that! I thought they were funny! I will PM you the cool octopus in the bar joke! Hope you feel a little bit better!

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Postby AllisonY2K » Mon Aug 15, 2005 5:47 pm

Two friends were arguing over the pronounciation of the city in which they were vacationing in.

"It's pronounced 'New ORE-lens'" said the one man.
"No, it's pronounced 'New Ore-leens'" said his friend.

"I tell you what," said the first man, "why don't we find a local resident and ask them how they pronounce the city."
"Fine." said his friend.

So they go into a restaurant and go up to the person behind the counter and politely ask:

"Ma'am, could you pronounce where we are, and please say it slowly? My friend and I are having a disagreement as to how you pronounce it."

The lady behind the counter looked at them both quizzicly and said,

"BUR-GER KING"

:roll:

(no you cannot have those 2 minutes of your life back)

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Postby Sir Clinksalot » Mon Aug 15, 2005 5:54 pm

^ HA! I love that joke!

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Postby AllisonY2K » Mon Aug 15, 2005 5:56 pm

Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducked.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender goes "why the long face?"

A nun, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look at the group and says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

How do you top a car? 'tep on the brake, 'tupid.

---------------------------------------------------------
3 couples were out at a nice restaurant enjoying a fine meal. All 3 couples were sitting at their own tables. The man at the 3rd table looks over to the couple at the first table when he saw the husband lean over to this wife and say "Pass me the honey, honey." to which the wife politely passed the honey over to him. "Wow," said the husband at the 3rd table. "that's really neat! I'll have to try it!" He looks over at the 2nd table and observes the husband lean in to his wife and politely say "pass me the sugar, sugar." The husband at the 3rd table, again, is amazed! "that's really cool! I have to find something to try this out with." Frantically he looks around the table to find something to ask his wife to pass to him so he can try this out. Finally he spots an item to ask for. His eyes turn up to his wife, he begins to smile and politely says to his wife,

"Pass me the pork, pig."

(again, no refunds for the 2 minutes you won't get back)

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Postby zaneymon » Tue Aug 16, 2005 1:51 am

ok heres some for ya

2 bolnds walk in to a bulding you think one of them would of seen it

shurlock homes and waatson are out camping shurlock says to watson "what can you tell by looking at theres stars"
Watson replys well i can tell where we are in the world where north is what the crops are going to be like this year and what the wetheres going to be like tomorro" then surlock said "well i can tell that some one has takeing our tdear watson"
COASTER COUNT: 23 (21 steal 2 wood) Yes i no its nerdy

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Postby OzCatter » Tue Aug 16, 2005 3:29 am

Three guys walk into a bar, one ducks.

-Cal

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