eli

Man, in 2007, I was bummed out when I realized they changed the Bedrock Cafe to Four Corners or something Cafe. Anyways, they wicked pizza. That year I operated what was then known as: Top Gun (Announcer dude/control panel/dispatch) Delta Flyer Action FX Theater Star Tower (I gave epic speeches about the legend of ol' ManBearPig) Delirium (Dispatch and the control thingy) Carousel (The bottom level) Height Checker/Wrist Band Giver Guy Person... In 2005: Boomerang Bay LAzy River Taz and that other large one Pool Good times... good times... Wait what the hell? I was paid minimum wage. Bah! Oh well, it was fun still.

(pulls back conditioned hair) I'm sick of hearing you guys talk so much crap about TOGO rides... ..... LEAVE TOGO ALONE!!!! (mumbles and tears up) TOGO is dealing with a lot of problems and they don't need you guys trashing on their rollercoasters. So the lift hill chain breaks...... SO WHAT?!! LEAVE BRITN-... I mean, TOGO ALONE!!!!! (eyeliner runs down cheeks) (ahh...!!! sob*) If you have a problem with TOGO, then you have to go through ME! .... AHH!!!! ...(whispers*) leave her alone.... ... I mean them. LEAVE TOGO ALONE!!!!!

I was wondering if any of you guys were from Northern California and knew anything about new attractions for Knott's Great America. A few people told me that they were planning on removing Drop Zone and building a new attraction called, "The Void". I looked everywhere and I did not see any evidence to say that this is true but I was just curious if you guys had any thoughts... (Most likely, this is just some crazy rumor.) From what my co-worker randomly said, he saw it somewhere on a news program about how the ride will drop people face forward somehow... I don't know if this makes any sense, but if the park does get a new ride, it better be a much better ride than Survivor: The Ride. (That ride is too short and the pre-show stomp dancing thing is not my cup of tea.

What is the most awkward thing you could say on a coaster just before you go down the first hill? Fred: HANK? Hank: WHAT? Fred: I DROPPED YOUR TOOTHBRUSH IN THE TOILET THIS MORNING. Hank: ... what?

Bobby: Mom, it was really nice of you to buy me lunch, I appreciate it. Sally: Its alright, young boys need their fiber. Bobby: Mom… you bought me meatloaf. How is that fi- Sally: (interrupts) You know what I mean. Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful birthday, honey. Goodbye! Bobby: Bye mom, thanks again. Sally: I left your gift on top of your desk. Hope you like it! Bobby: Gee, thanks a lot! [Walks inside dorm room and glances at desk with shock] Bobby: OH MY GOD!!! [On top of the desk lies a dead bunny] [scene ends with Sally driving off down the horizon laughing hysterically]

I JUST ACCIDENTALLY SMACKED MY ELBOW AGAINST THE EDGE OF MY DESK!

Bob: (pointing) Your mother is so beautiful and loveable, that everyone respects her and appreciates her company! Jerry: (charging towards Bob) TAKE THAT BACK!!!!! OR, Tony: Your mama's so butch, she has a bulge! PFF! Hank: Tony, that's my dad.

Just say to yourself, " Look, this roller coaster can't be as bad as being riding in a car driven by an asian woman." I usually say that to myself when I get the shivers. Either that, or you can starting doing a monologue of your favorite scene in a movie. For example, when I rode Goliath for the first time at Six Flags Magic Mountain, I started to say this out loud: "I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head. .. HAHA, that's a good one!" No one understand what I was saying but it helped ease the tension, especially since that was my first 200ft roller coaster. Good luck.

I hope they clean up and give Great America some attention. That place needs more shows. Long time ago I remember walking around the park seeing quite a bit number of shows. I loved PGA when I was growing up but the park has been on a down hill slope in terms of quality of entertainment.

Reasons why not to do drugs. 1) Coke makes your back curl forward. You'll become a walking question mark. 2) You'll try to bite your gums off. 3) One morning, your penis... gone. 4) Hair will become your enemy. 5) One morning, your penis.... a mouth. 6) You'll have long conversations with your finger. 7) The television will make fun of you. 8) You will be doing this ... for hours.

Gosh, looking at that parking lot brings back memories from working at Boomerang Bay... sigh, utterly horrible. Anywho, hopefully the ride won't suck.

If you were a roller coaster, what kind of hair would you have? Seriously, if I was a rollercoaster, I'd want a Jerry Curl. ...And then the gates of heaven opened up.... only to reveal Paramount's Great America. When word got out, everyone began to sin a lot more.

Asians. I HATE em'... They cannot drive and they do not have any sense of fashion. Wait a minute... I'm asian.... oh my god... I'm Korean.. and Japanese........ oh my god.... God: Look kid, you're on your own. Here, a ice cream bar. Take it. You'll need it. (universe explodes)

Queen- All songs from their Greatest Hits Albums I and II. I wish they made a queen themed dark ride. With lasers and an independently moving animatronic of Freddie Mercury, as it just follows you singing really really.... YES..

In 2000, I played my SNES. The game was Kirby's Avalanche. I finished it, and moved. Wait, .... ...............what's that noise? ................sniff*.... do I smell gas?